|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Postcards From The Sledge: The Top 50 cricket quotes and sledges of all time
Disagree with our selection? Submit your favourite quote here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
POSTCARDS FROM THE SLEDGE
A Century Of Cricket Insults To Send Up Down Under
Only £3.95 including p&p
Order Your Copy Now! All profits to charity.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you Bangladesh in disguise?
Barmy Army
He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground, Shane Warne, Shane Warne.
Barmy Army
Get your sh*t stars off our flag.
Barmy Army
You're only good at swimming.
Barmy Army, The Oval, 2005
Daft cricket. They slog your good balls and get out to your bad ones.
Matthew Hoggard
That Glenn McGrath ... what a bastard.
Mick Jagger
Jason Gillespie is a 30-year-old in a 36-year-old body.
Bob Willis
I smiled at Ricky Ponting. He didn't smile back. He was in a terrible temper for some reason. Quite why he was blaming me when his partner, Damien Martyn, had called him for a suicidal single to cover, I don't know. You know what's more? All the palaver caused me to burn my toast.
Duncan Fletcher on the fallout from the infamous Gary Pratt run out
The number of fumbles, misfields and grabs at thin air brought to mind some England performances of the past ... a team full of dobbers and crap fielders? It has been said about every England touring team to Australia in the past 15 years. It's nice to be able to return the compliment.
Michael Atherton
Ricky Ponting continues to believe that the lbw law simply doesn't exist. And Andrew Symonds has to work out how to get his hip flask onto the field without the Sky cameras noticing.
Dan Nicoll
The kindest thing you can say about their performance is that it was shoddy but you can think of many stronger words to use.
Richie Benaud
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mark Waugh : F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England.
James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family.
Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.
Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's
Tap that one down you little b*stard.
Tony Lock bowls a bouncer at Richie Benaud following a prolonged spell of gardening
Take a good look at this arse of mine, you'll see plenty of it this summer.
David Steele to Rodney Marsh
You are a damned lot of sneaks.
WG Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877
They are capital winners out here, but I'm afraid the same adjective cannot be applied to them as losers.
Lord Harris, on tour in Australia in 1879
The aim of English cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia.
Jim Laker
The Australian temper is at bottom grim. It is as though the sun has dried up his nature
Sir Neville Cardus
I know plenty of professionals whom I would delight to have as guests in my home, but I'm afraid I cannot say the same thing about most Australians I have met.
AW Carr
The traditional dress of the Australian cricketer is the baggy green cap on the head and the chip on the shoulder. Both are ritualistically assumed.
Simon Barnes writing for The Times
Aussies are big and empty, just like their country.
Ian Botham
All you Aussies are a bunch of hicks who don't know the first thing about cricket.
Ian Botham
If you're playing against the Australians you dont walk.
Ian Botham
Chappell was a coward. He needed a crowd around him before he would say anything. He was sour like milk that had been sitting in the sun for a week.
Ian Botham
Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare.
Mike Brearley
As harrowing occupations go, there can't be much to choose between the Australian cricket captaincy and social work on Skid Row.
Doug Ibbotson
A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in one's life, if one was deaf.
Harold Larwood
Well bowled Harold!
Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest
All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob.
Douglas Jardine. Comment made to Australian wicket keeper Stork Hendry during the infamous 1932-1933 Bodyline series.
If we don't beat you we'll knock your bloody heads off.
Bill Voce
Are you aware, sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be destroyed?
Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee
The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus.
Martin Johnson on Merv Hughes
The Aussies try to present a tough guy image, but this present generation are a bunch of cissies.
Tony Grieg
The only one who really got up my nose was Steve Waugh who spent the entire series giving out verbals. A bit of a joke really when he was the one bloke wetting himself against the quick bowlers.
Michael Atherton
If they stop throwing, cricket in Australia will die.
Tommy Andrews
Merv is a funny guy, though he would sledge his own mother if he thought it would help the cause.
Gladstone Small
Shane Warne is thicker than a complete set of Wisden yearbooks.
Matt Price
I have on occasion taken a quite reasonable dislike to the Australians.
Ted Dexter
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The only time an Australian ever walks is when his car runs out of petrol.
Barry Richards, 1980
Are you going to get out or do I have to come round the wicket and kill you?
Malcolm Marshall to David Boon
You convicts are all the same.
Malcolm Marshall to Steve Waugh after he refused to walk
Go and deflate yourself, you balloon.
Daryll Cullinan to Shane Warne
Shane Warne : I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.
Daryll Cullinan : Looks like you spent it eating.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps.
Dennis Lillee
What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can't have a f***ing glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us.
Allan Border to Robin Smith
Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back!
Merv Hughes to Robin Smith
Merv Hughes : You can't f**king bat.
Robin Smith : Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl.
Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot.
Voice from the crowd, Newcastle Test
You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell
Bowl the bastard a grand Piano and see if he can play that instead!
Yabba
Don't swat those flies, Jardine, they're the only friends here you've got!
Yabba
Don't give the bastard a drink. Let him die of thirst.
Voice from the crowd while Jardine was batting during the Bodyline series
The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears.
Thomson
The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding.
Ian Chappell
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
David Gower : Do you want Gatt a foot wider?
Chris Cowdrey : No. He'd burst.
How anyone can spin a ball the width of Gatting boggles the mind.
Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's ball of the century
If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him.
Graham Gooch
A fart competing with thunder.
Graham Gooch on England's chances in Australia in 1990-91
England have only three major problems. They can't bat, they can't bowl and they can't field.
Martin Johnson
I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope.
Andrew Flintoff
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.
Ian Healy, 1996
It was a mixture of bad bowling, good shots and arse.
Jason Gillespie, describing his own Ashes performance
Q: What's your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.
In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller.
Ian Chappell on hearing David Boon had downed 58 beers on the flight to England in 1989. Boon claimed he was afraid of flying.
Damien Martyn has batted handily in his unobtrusive way but fielded like a pensioner. Langer has his limitations. Without Clarke, this side has more carthorses than a Victorian mail coach. Suddenly this team is looking its age. Sometimes, when the end comes, it is quick.
Peter Roebuck
When Justin Langer finds his off stump akimbo he leaves the crease only after asking the met office whether any earthquakes have been recorded in the region. In any case, he never edges the ball. It's just that his bat handle keeps breaking.
Peter Roebuck
Border is a walnut: hard to crack and without much to please the eye.
Peter Roebuck
An ordinary bloke trying to make good without ever losing the air of a fellow with a hangover.
Peter Roebuck on Merv Hughes
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
CricInfo / The Guardian / The Observer / Wikipedia / The Wisden Book of Cricket Quotations - Wisden / Great Cricket Quotes - David Hopps / A Century Of Great Cricket Quotes - David Hopps / It's Not Cricket - Simon Rae / Cricket's Great Entertainers - Henry Blofeld / Out Of My Comfort Zone - Steve Waugh / 'Ave A Go Yer Mug! - Richard Cashman / The Best of Cricket - Roy Peskett / My Spin On Cricket - Richie Benaud / Hadlee's Humour - RJ Hadlee / Chappell Has The Last Laugh - Ian Chappell / How to Kiss A Crocodile - Max Walker / From The Pavilion End - Dickie Bird / The Wit of Cricket - Ian Brayshaw
|
|
|
|
|
|
|